Don’t really understand myself right now… being extraordinarily selfish and i can actually feel the sludge of it rising up around me, if i was a stranger looking in it would make me want to hurl bile all over myself…
I really don’t understand why i am feeling this way… i should be happy one of my good friends has his family members coming in and its going to be a blast for all involved but at the same time I can’t help but not want to be sidelined.. not to be neglected just because some other shiny new object is there in the fray…the old toys deserve to be played with too you know…but i can not let it affect my best friend or the joy and happiness she is going to feel for these coming days and i have always found that writing helps calm my nerves a great deal so that is exactly what i am going to be doing… going to have to come up with a new scheme of writing these posts if they are going to become frequent like i think they are….
To build up on all of this my girlfriend has now had it up to her neck with the drama surrounding me and my best friend and i feel that now it just irritates her that i can’t seem to understand that its enough it might have been cute in the past but it is not now and now it is just highly annoying to her and to see her like that really pains me, even more so because i know that i am the wrongdoer this time, the onus of making her feel like this is completely on me and no matter how cool she acts with it of course she feels a little bit jealous and underappreciated when i go on and on about my problems with my best friend, i am going to have to stop that, yup it has to, i will now begin dealing with things without burdening them on her like i did today, in the middle of her boards for gods sake… what the heck was is wrong with me….
well moving on to today’s new act of idiocy from my side it involved me getting jealous because she didn’t call me when she woke up despite knowing i was already awake….
why exactly that hit me i dont know, but what i do know that it has got me to this place, a place i don’t like and i am going to try my damnest to get out of….
First though i have to get to work… studies beckon…
ooh and situps too…. :) :)
Feeling better so see you later….
0 comments:
Post a Comment